Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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