thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
