you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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