While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
