69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
