I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize