operation harelip BJ is a go
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just found puke in my bra..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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