Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
