Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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