'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
