All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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