my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize