The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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