I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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