just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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