will power is for people who don't want to get laid
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
