I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
