Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
