this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sarcasm needs its own font
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
