I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
