You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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