Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
