We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize