We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Drunk walkin through police station. America
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
