The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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