I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
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