getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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