I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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