she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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