My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
