The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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