Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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