saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
