literally had 100 drinks last night.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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