she looked like the before picture.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
