so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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