I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
