She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
