So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize