Did you just see the Batmobile???
I understand Curling. That high.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
