I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
