Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
