Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
