I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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