i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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