Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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