3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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