I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
