I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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