I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize