Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
