Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
