a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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