Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
