im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
