I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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