just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just crazy horny about you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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