im holly from the hills drunk
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
